We're Damned After All
by pavingnewpaths
Summary: love is infinite, but my fortitude is limited.


_I know that I'm the last person you want to hear from. But I suppose you'll be glad to know that this is a goodbye and an apology. Because I know that both are long overdue. But before I go on, I want you to know that you were, and are, my everything._

Scaling the side of the roof proved to be a much more difficult task than he had originally thought it'd be. After several tears in his jeans and very close calls, he made it safely onto the platform of the roof. The only light available was the moon, illuminating the shiny specks of silver that covered the elevator shaft. He didn't know why he chose this building. It seemed fitting, or maybe just symbolic. He had been here numerous times, the general aura of the place giving him a sense of freedom that he had never experienced before. He can still recall late nights he spent up here, writing in his journal or simply ruminating.

_After everything that we've been through. After everything I've put you through, I've forced myself to accept the fact that we have surpassed the point of ever reconciling our differences. I've come to the revelation that you do not, and will never, take me back. I know that it has taken me a significantly long time to realize that, and for this, I do apologize. All I've ever wanted for you was happiness. And I think that now you can achieve the perpetual bliss that so many long for. I know that I've been a roadblock for you, simply causing you emotional distress that was evidently unnecessary. And I hope that now you can move on without the baggage that I had imposed upon you._

Eli ran a hand through his disheveled hair, letting out a heavy sigh. His warm breath collided with the cool Toronto air, and the young boy was left alone with his thoughts once again. He knew that if he thought too much, he would back down. And at this point, backing down was not an option. Ignoring the loud pounds vibrating through his chest and ears, Eli swiftly removed his suit jacket. He folded it neatly, placing it beside the elevator shaft. Next, he unclasped his necklace and removed the rings that clad his fingers, placing the accessories over the jacket. A shiver ran through his spine, and he wasn't quite sure whether it was the weather or the eerie situation. Slipping off his combat boots and socks, he paced them beside the rest of his clothes, forcing himself to focus on the task at hand and not the possible ramifications of his actions.

_Despite everything, I am in complete and utter love with you. I know you know this though. And I know that this mere fact is insignificant to you, and doesn't justify any of my actions. I also know that you don't love me. It took me quite a while to come to this realization as well, but better late than never. I know that everything we had was genuine, or at least I hope. The epiphany came to me a few nights ago, when I found your father's watch. A feeling of nostalgia washed over me, followed by a wave of insomnia that resulted in my mind finally grasping the magnitude of my dedication. I've been so head over heels, that I had been forcing myself to believe that we were still the same people we were when we first met. But I know now, that we will never be those star crossed lovers again. Our time has come and gone, my dear. And I have accepted this. All I ask is that you not forget what we had. I know that my love is unrequited. And I know that you have forgotten me. I know that I will become a vague memory, lingering only when you happen to pass my house or locker, but I hope that our memories stay vivid and very much alive. Not to haunt you, quite the contrary, but so that I know I've left a positive imprint on your heart._

Taking quick, short breaths, Eli attempted to steady his heart rate. This was the solution to all his problems; this was the solution to her main problem. It was the only thing that could fix the mess he had created. She was unhappy. And if he had to sacrifice himself for her to be at peace with the world, then so be it. His bare feet scraped against the cold pavement beneath him, eventually leading him to the edge of the roof. Knowing he shouldn't, he glanced down, immediately regretting his decision. His heart rate picked up, and his breaths grew shorter and more rigid. He knew that it was Now or Never. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he stepped over the railing, clamping his eyes shut as tightly as he could. He rid himself of all his thoughts. He refused to think about his mother and father. He refused to think about her reading the letter he left on his bed. He refused to think of the way his friends and family would grieve. It was too late now. He spread his arms, allowing the cool air to collide with his body, ultimately relinquishing any hope that he had been clinging onto.

_I pin my faith upon the fact that you know I had no animosity towards you. My love for you is pure and infinite, even though the feelings are not mutual. This is a permanent goodbye, as well as an apology for any wrong I have done you. Including this letter. _

_– E._


End file.
